so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
