I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize