i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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