I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
