let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
