the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You're like the curious george of whores
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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