Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
