i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
