It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
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Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
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I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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