and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
