I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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