You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
