Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My balls are so social today.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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