Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
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is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
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I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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