Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
