turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
