it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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