Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
