The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
