If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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