somebody snuck up and got me drunk
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
