East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
