I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hell yes lets make some ravioli
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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