I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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