I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
