We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
