My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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