I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
