I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
