I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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