you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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