The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You made out with two different species that night
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
