This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
