I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
