Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
