I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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