She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
