just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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