My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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