i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
