I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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