We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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