I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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