we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Green mimosas i think yes
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I touched a dick in church today
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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