Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So much rum. So many feels.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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