no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
