i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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