At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
