tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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