So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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