She said her name was "party"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
