the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
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until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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