I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
