From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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