Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
