i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
