i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
