I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
