I must be too annoying 4 u.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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