Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
