They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
