You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
