we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
