Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
