She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
