Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
