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a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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