I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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