you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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