My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
